Melinda’s* engagement ring is a 2-carat diamond in a square mounting. When the petite 37-year-old first got it two years ago, her office mates at a graphic design firm remarked that it looked like a “huge rock.”

“Some said it looked just as blingy as the other recently engaged girl in the office who had been sporting a tacky, over-the-top zirconium as a place holder while her custom rings were being made,” says the Brooklyn resident. “It made me a bit overaware of its presence for a while.”

She was married last spring and now just wears her wedding ring — a platinum eternity band — unless she has “a high-powered meeting.” She loves it, but worries people, especially in this economic climate, will judge her for having a ring that’s “too flashy.”

Melinda is one of a number of New York women who are forgoing their diamond engagement rings in favor of more simple wedding bands, perhaps as part of a general return to understated living. Like black-tie weddings, logo bags and high-maintenance highlights, rocks that make a major statement are going back in the boxes where they came from.

While diamonds the size of golf balls — think of the 8-carat diamond Arpad Busson gave to Uma Thurman in 2008 — were once de rigueur, even celebrities are downsizing to more subtle symbols of love. Low-key actresses like Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock can certainly afford flashy diamonds, but they’ve all been spotted wearing simple bands. It’s the antithesis of the bling-ring, perhaps indicative of a quieter commitment and a happy marriage, a rarity in Hollywood.

Or perhaps it has something to do with showing off maturity and status in life for actresses so successful they have nothing left to prove. (Think Meryl Streep, who’s also been spotted wearing just a simple band.)

“Why go around with a massive diamond on your hand? There’s no need to make any kind of statement,” says Long Islander Claudia Copquin, who runs the bridal blog gettingmarriedonlongisland.com. Instead of flashing the kind of rings that attract the paparazzi, a simple band is another way to keep out of the spotlight, she says.

Forty-eight-year-old Copquin doesn’t even have a ring of her own. She got engaged on Valentine’s Day two years ago. “My fiancé handed me a little heart-shaped red box. Inside was an IOU note for an engagement ring,” she laughs. “He wanted me to pick out my own, because we are of a certain age. At almost 50, it’s a little silly to walk around with a huge rock on my ring finger. So I’m just waiting until we marry, and then I will have a beautiful wedding ring that is not too ostentatious.”

“For most women, the engagement ring is the most important, most loved and often the most expensive piece of jewelry they own,” says Millie Martini Bratten, editor-in-chief of Brides magazine. “That said, some women just have a more understated way of going through life, and a wedding band is enough for them.”

But not all women are afraid of seeming over-the-top; some are keeping their engagement rings at home for fear of being judged over how small it is.

Nicole*, an editor, was proposed to with a ring that had belonged to her grandparents who weren’t wealthy and got married in an era when size mattered less. It had “lots of sentimental value,” but was only about six-tenths of a carat. “I’m not materialistic at all,” she says. “But I know what women in New York are like.” She noticed people looking at it and wondered what they were thinking. An engagement ring, she realized, is more than just another piece of jewelry; it’s a representation of how much your partner is willing to spend on you.

Nicole didn’t want to be sized up by the diamond on her finger, so she took to wearing a blue topaz “stunner” of a ring that her husband had bought her before they were engaged. “He would ask if people thought it was my engagement ring. I’d say that I didn’t want to get tied to a certain look,” says Nicole. But really, she admits, she was hoping that people would notice the big ring. Eventually the guilt took over, and she now wears just her wedding band.

Jennifer*, a social worker in Brooklyn, picked out her ring, which is gold and shaped like a twig, with a “teeny” diamond in the center. She loved it, but admits that reactions to it were awkward. Women would say, “‘Now, show me the ring! Ohhhhhh, how . . . nice,’” she says, affecting a faux cheerful tone. Now she’s been married for five months and chooses to simply wear a band.

As the novelty of getting engaged wears off, women might find wearing an engagement ring doesn’t send the right message. They also might not want their marital status to be the first thing people notice. “Many women don’t like people to make a fuss over the ring as if getting married was the biggest achievement of their lives,” notes Stephanie Coontz, author of “Marriage, a History.”

Ashley*, a designer in New Jersey, had a hand in choosing her emerald stone set in white gold, but still, it ended up not being the exact piece she wanted. “I was very specific that I wanted an emerald, but I also wanted platinum,” she notes. “In hindsight, I wish I had been more involved in picking it out instead of just kind of dropping description hints. It’s probably the nicest piece of jewelry I’ll ever own, but I don’t like it beyond its significance.”

In fact, when she was first engaged, she’d “forget” to wear the ring, which was easier than dealing with the guilt and shame that came from total strangers. “Many people didn’t realize it was an engagement ring because it’s not a diamond. I always noticed people’s eyes going to my hand, and it felt like I was being judged. I just wanted to take that off the table.”

The easiest solution for her, like a number of women, was to do just that and put the ring away. Now that she’s married, she opts for her Tiffany platinum wedding band. And, Ashley says, she’s happy with it: “I never take it off.”

*Names have been changed

NEW YORK POST is a registered trademark of NYP Holdings, Inc.

nypost.com , nypostonline.com , and newyorkpost.com are trademarks of NYP Holdings, Inc.

Copyright 2010 NYP Holdings, Inc. All rights reserved. Privacy | Terms of Use

What are YOUR thoughts on this?  Please comment here.