Thursday, September 24th, 2009...9:40 am

Ask Claudia: No Progress in Planning

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Kathy, Astoria
Q:  Claudia,  I’ve been engaged for 9 months now, and have not made any progress on planning a wedding…it’s starting to really stress me out and taking away from the excitement of the engagement. I lost my mom 3 years ago and have a different take on what I want for my wedding. Weddings have become bitter sweet for me and therefore I just want to focus on the party or celebration aspect. I’ve decided that I don’t want a wedding dress, don’t want to go through the father/daughter, mother/son dance and want to really just have a party. I don’t even want to exchange vows in front of people. I’m struggling with how to have a celebration on a tight budget that’s just that, a celebration and not a wedding.  Do you have any advice on venues, tips, etc?  Thank you.

A:  Dear Kathy, I’m so sorry for your loss.  It must be extremely difficult for you to fully feel the joy of your upcoming wedding, while you are still grieving  for your mom…My dad died a year before my own wedding (long ago), and never even met my husband.  Planning our wedding was also bittersweet and emotionally difficult.   So it sounds to me like the loss of your mom, rather than a tight budget, might be the reason you are avoiding all of the traditional trappings of a full-blown wedding.

Having said that, keep in mind that there are no rules when it comes to weddings — do what you and your fiance are comfortable with, and your friends and loved ones will support your decisions.   So if you feel strongly that you just want a party, that’s perfectly fine.   I suggest you find a few local restaurants with private rooms,  in or near Astoria.   Keep it small and intimate, so everyone can honor your new marriage.  Lastly, I would suggest also that you try to imagine what your mom might have wanted for you on this special day.

Come back, Kathy, and let us know what you decide. My heart is with you….